Asteroids in JavaScript

Enjoy this classic game written in JavaScript, the most foul language I’ve ever had the displeasure of learning. Half way through, I wanted to quit, but I put aside my hate to give it a chance. It’s not that it’s hard to learn. This game only took a couple hours, including the time it took to learn JavaScript. The problem is that it has so many serious (and well documented) design flaws. That said, the source code is in plain text for your viewing pleasure, courtesy of JavaScript. Suffice to say, this is my first and last JavaScript game.

Click on the game then press space bar to play. Use the space bar to shoot, and the arrow keys to move. The goal is to make the rocks dead, while keeping the triangle alive. That’s right, you are a triangle. At least I didn’t make you a square. Who wants to be a square?



I always had a sketchy feeling about JavaScript thus I never bothered to learn it. It looked stupid. After having learned enough to make this game, I realize that I was right. It is stupid. Too bad the whole internet is built on it. JavaScript is like a rotten, termite infested wooden frame holding up a giant mansion full of cat pictures and porn.

It’s OK though, I’ll just write my own language. I’ll call it: BLEM. Best Language Ever Made. Don’t worry I took a class on this, therefor I MUST know how to write it right, right? Wrong, I dropped that class. Good thing you don’t actually need school to know how to do stuff that matters. Hate me yet? It’s alright, hate just means there’s room for understanding. Hate me even more now?  Good, that means it’s working!

Seriously. I’m going to write a right (coincidentally, using my right to write – it say I can in the constitution).

2 thoughts on “Asteroids in JavaScript”

  1. Hi Chris, thanks for sharing. I laughed at the “Good job; you’re dead” message. Is there a license for the game? I thought it might make a fun little easter egg for a project I’m working on.

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